One too many lemon drops
by DankMemeEdgeQueen
Summary: A shitty reading of the books, total parody :)
1. And so it begins

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER AND DO NOT INTEND ON MAKING ANY PROFITS FROM THIS.**

 **Aye, I've finally managed to do something with this sinful piece of shite. Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 1-**

Harry Potter looked around the Great Hall, more than slightly confused. Still, because the author of this story couldn't be bothered with a couple of paragraphs introducing the books and why they're reading them, Harry was thrust into this world of confusion. Umbridge, as she was the one who had gathered the books, got up and smiled.

"Hem hem, I would like to expose Harry Potter!" Harry snorted and shrugged. Fuck it, let the woman ruin everything she believed. Honestly, reading the books would do more good than bad for Harry. Of course, they'd have to skip the whole of the third book, but Harry was pretty sure there were at least two rational people in the room.

"Okay, well, since no one has any objections" Fudge said, from his chair at the head table. How he got there, no one knows. Well the author does, she just can't be bothered to explain it… Anyway! Apparently, no one recognised Dumbledore as the HEADMASTER of the school when Fudge walked in.

"Okay, so Chapter One"

 **(They didn't think they could bear it if anyone found out about the Potters. Mrs. Potter was Mrs. Dursley's sister, but they hadn't met for several years; in fact, Mrs. Dursley pretended she didn't have a sister, because her sister and her good-for-nothing husband were as unDursleyish as it was possible to be)**

 **"** Albus, my good man, remind me again, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LEAVE THE POTTER SPAWN WITH THESE CUNTS?" Snape screamed. The entire hall looked at him awkwardly. Albus rolled his eyes and frowned, probably quite annoyed with how stupid Snape was.

"It's really not that hard to understand. Which part of blood wards do you not understand? I needed a living relative and as Voldemort made sure, Petunia was the only one, bitch."

 **(As Mr. Dursley drove around the corner and up the road, he watched the cat in his mirror. It was now reading the sign that said Privet Drive - no, looking at the sign; cats couldn't read maps or signs. )**

The Twins and Lee were up next, jumping up and screaming

"MCGONAGALL THAT'S YOU MATE" Everyone stared at them, it wasn't rocket science, literally everyone had figured it out, but these motherfuckers had to go and ruin the croaks of Umbridge.

"Yeah, no shit Sherlock" Bill proclaimed from their right, how he got there, no one knows, but here he was. Oh, and for future reference, the whole of the Weasley clan was here, as well as Remus Lupin, Tonks, Shacklebolt, Amelia Bones and Snuffles. Why there were here, people could only guess and most would guess that they were there to thicken the plot, they were right.

"Right, so now that we've established that the twins and Lee are probably missing a couple of IQ points, can we get on with it? "Umbridge again

 **(his eyes fell on a huddle of these weirdos standing quite close by. They were whispering excitedly together. )**

"You know, considering our whole safety depends of muggles not knowing about our existence, we're remarkably shit at going incognito."

 **The Potters, that's right, that's what I heard yes, their son, Harry "Mr. Dursley stopped dead. Fear flooded him. He looked back at the whisperers as if he wanted to say something to them, but thought better of it**

"I wish he had died" Harry muttered, but you know, magic and all that, so everyone heard it. Snape glared at him, sneering in distaste at his existence.

"Potter stop being so angsty, no one cares about your teen melodrama." Draco and his mini-death eater crew laughed in appreciation, no one else did.

"Fuck off Snape, they kept me in a fucking cupboard and Dudley routinely beat me up, it's not melodrama its pure disgust."

"Lol you fucking what mate?"

 **"Don't be sorry, my dear sir, for nothing could upset me today! Rejoice, for You-Know-Who has gone at last! Even Muggles like yourself should be celebrating, this happy, happy day!"**

"Incognito shit right there" Professor Flitwick said, which was confusing considering most people thought he had said it, and to clarify, what he did was the opposite of Incognito.

 **The cat's tail twitched and its eyes narrowed. Nothing like this man had ever been seen on Privet Drive. He was tall, thin, and very old, judging by the silver of his hair and beard, which were both long enough to tuck into his belt**

"Uncanny resemblance to Dumbledore" Lee exclaimed. There was a round of facepalming.

 **This man's name was Albus Dumbledore.**

"Oh whoops" Lee smiled apologetically

 **"Oh yes, everyone's celebrating, all right, " she said impatiently. "You'd think they'd be a bit more careful, but no - even the Muggles have noticed something's going on. It was on their news.**

"We're not completely incompetent, you know? In fact, muggles are more advanced than witches and wizards in many ways!" Some random muggleborn child shouted that one out.

"Yeah! We don't even inbreed anymore! Unless you go to America, but you know, still."

 **"We have much to be thankful for. Would you care for a lemon drop? "A what? "A lemon drop. They're a kind of Muggle sweet I'm rather fond of" "No, thank you,** "

"Sir, you're rather addicted to them. I reckon you need some help."

"Ah, my dear Harry, you would be correct."

 **"It's lucky it's dark. I haven't blushed so much since Madam Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs.**

"They were rather nice earmuffs" Madam Pomfrey commented from the head table, shrugging.

 **"is that last night Voldemort turned up in Godric's Hollow. He went to find the Potters."**

 **"Lily and James... I can't believe it... I didn't want to believe it... Oh, Albus... "Dumbledore reached out and patted her on the shoulder. "I know... I know... " he said heavily. Professor McGonagall's voice trembled as she went on. "That's not all. They're saying he tried to kill the Potter's son, Harry. But - he couldn't. He couldn't kill that little boy. No one knows why, or how, but they're saying that when he couldn't kill Harry Potter, Voldemort's power somehow broke - and that's why he's gone**

The hall was full of people sobbing, even though no one had really cared for the past decade and a few years, oh well.

 **"His aunt and uncle will be able to explain everything to him when he's older. I've written them a letter. ""A letter?**

"Sir, I respect you as a teacher and a mentor, but, what the fuck were you thinking?" This was from Snape, because apparently people saw this as an opportunity for him to become Harry's best friend, when in all honesty, he probably would have left the hall by now.

"Oh fuck off Snape, you're no better, terrorising children because you're too caught up over Lily's rejection." Remus snapped back.

 **"Hagrid's bringing him. ""You think it - wise - to trust Hagrid with something as important as this?"I would trust Hagrid with my life, " said Dumbledore. "I'm not saying his heart isn't in the right place, " said Professor McGonagall grudgingly, "but you can't pretend he's not careless.**

"Thanks for the vote of confidence"

"I'd trust you with my life, Hagrid." Harry said, before pausing in thought. "In fact, I already have, I guess." At this reminder Ron shuddered, fucking spiders man.

 **Young Sirius Black lent it to me.**

The dog whined.

"Why did the dog whine?" Fudge asked

"Don't know, maybe he's bored?"

"OR MAYBE IT'S SIRIUS BLACK?" The Order all stiffened and searched for places to exit, no one noticed the shifty behaviour though and Percy Weasley laughed.

"Minister, stop embarrassing yourself. The day that dog becomes Sirius black is the day my family welcomes me back" The rest of the Weasley family looked at each other in horror, this would make the whole accept Percy again thing a lot more awkward then it needed to be.

 **""Yes, yes, it's all very sad, but get a grip on yourself, Hagrid, or we'll be found,**

"Wow let the geezer cry mate, you sure did several paragraphs ago!"

"Detention you little fucking wank stain"

"Wow"

 **He couldn't know that at this very moment, people meeting in secret all over the country were holding up their glasses and saying in hushed voices: "To Harry Potter - the boy who lived!**

"Who made that stupid name up?" Harry wanted to know because damn it was annoying, like just use Harry Potter, no need to make up random titles. It's like calling Voldemort You-know-who, just call him something like Mouldy-shorts if you're that afraid.

"Dunno mate" Ron muttered. "Bit shite isn't it?"

 **A/N: You know I didn't really change much, but ah well.**


	2. Did I stutter?

**Y'all are pretty lucky, I'm doing another chapter.**

 **Chapter three (although technically its four) will be rewritten soon, probably in a few days, since I'm going to have to write about the chapter of the book I skipped, as well as rewrite the uploaded chapter. Course, I could have that done in the next hour or two, but I've been up for 3 days and I really want to sleep, so fuck that.**

 **Also, have you seen how much of a mess the third chapter is? There is no way I'd be able to make it somewhat enjoyable to read in the next hour lmao.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own anything, I am not making any profit off of this and all rights go to the lovely J.K. Rowling**

 **"CHAPTER TWO THE VANISHING GLASS**

"Can we skip this one? I mean all I do is speak to a snake and piss Dudley off"

"boi no"

 **but Dudley Dursley was no longer a baby, and now the photographs showed a large blond boy riding his first bicycle, on a carousel at the fair, playing a computer game with his father, being hugged and kissed by his mother.**

 **"** I think I accidentally burnt most of those pictures a while back" Harry mused, there had been one accident a couple of years ago where Dudley annoyed him and so he used his awesome magical powers and attacked the poor pictures. Obviously not accidental magic.

 **Harry was used to spiders, because the cupboard under the stairs was full of them, and that was where he slept.**

"ALBUS WHAT THE FUCK? DO YOU THINK LILY WOULD HAVE WANTED HER SON TO BE FUCKING ABUSED? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU… YOU SENIAL OLD COOT, YOU FUCKING CUM GUZZLING DONKEY FUCKER-"Snape continued his tirade of insults, each one getting longer and longer. Everyone was impressed with the insults he managed to create, it was truly an art.

"Snape do you ever fucking learn? Blood wards. Say it with me. Blood. Wards"

"BULLSHIT YOU SENIAL OLD FUCK-"Albus had silenced him, his eyes narrowed in anger as he placed his wand back on the table, before addressing the whole hall.

"Listen here you little fuckers, because I'm only gonna say this once. Yes, I care about Harry, deeply so. However, y'all need to understand that what I did was necessary. Yeah, it was bad, leaving him with downright abusive cunts for ten years. But, holy fuck can y'all honestly think that him living with a wizard couple would have been safe? Fuck no! Malfoy's death muncher of a father and his buddies would have killed the poor sod, and then used their money to stay out of Azkaban. So, yes, I did let one individual suffer, instead of let him die and therefore watch out community get wiped out. Cunts"

 **Harry had a thin face, knobbly knees, black hair, and bright green eyes. He wore round glasses held together with a lot of Scotch tape because of all the times Dudley had punched him on the nose. The only thing Harry liked about his own appearance was a very thin scar on his forehead that was shaped like a bolt of lightning.**

Umbridge was ecstatic, they finally had something on the little shit! He liked his scar! How could anyone who didn't adore the dark arts like a scar they knew nothing about?

"That's it! Fudge we have dirt on the twat, he must be in league with You-know-who! Why else would he like the scar the damned fucker made? He wouldn't! Never mind the fact that he didn't even know about magic at that age, if anything it only proves that he was evil at birth" Even Fudge looked at her with contempt.

"How many IQ points do you think she has?"

"Well, I certainly wouldn't expect it to be double figures"

 **Aunt Petunia often said that Dudley looked like a baby angel - Harry often said that Dudley looked like a pig in a wig.**

"Woah Harry, you're a fucking comedian, better quit your day job." Fred/George muttered.

"Yeah, I sure was savage."

"Forget the boy-who-lived. You should be the boy-who-spat-fire"

"George, you just ruined it."

"Fuck off Lee.

 **"Thirty-six, " he said, looking up at his mother and father. "That's two less than last year.**

"Woah Potter you didn't tell us you were on the poverty line!"

"Malfoy shut up, you're literally a product of incest and your Dad was a fucking death eater, you have nothing to be happy about." Harry snapped… Snappishly. Ron grinned in amusement beside him.

 **"So I'll have thirty... Thirty... ""Thirty-nine, sweetums,** "

"That's just depressing" Hermione said, because most people have her become disgusted at Dudley's lack of education. Ron frowned and did something else which highlighted the fact that he is not as smart as Hermione is, nor will he ever be.

"Yeah well welcome to my life" Harry was channelling Emo-Potter again and had to make a conscious effort to stop, no one liked it when he started to monologue about his life.

 **Every year, Harry was left behind with Mrs. Figg, a mad old lady who lived two** **streets away. Harry hated it there. The whole house smelled of cabbage and Mrs. Figg made him look at photographs of all the cats she'd ever owned.**

"Potter, what are wrong with cats?" Three guesses on who said that… McGonagall in case you're dumb.

"Nothing mate, I just hate looking at about several hundred of them in the space of an hour."

"Sure, you litt-" Umbridge coughed loudly, glaring at everyone in the room.

"Do you all mind shutting the fuck up? We do want to finish this wonderful story by the end of this week, you know."

 **Dinky Duddydums, don't cry, Mummy won't let him spoil your special day!"**

Two hundred (is that right?) people all did a spit take at the same time. How you may ask, well magic. Anyway… People started coughing, crying, dying and vomiting as they tried to comprehend what happened. The only person who wasn't at all affected by the name was Ron, who could apparently see the similarities in the name the twins gave him and could also see just how funny the damn name was… Not very. Sure it would be an alright one liner, but a running joke or something, ugh no.

 **and you'll be in that cupboard from now until Christmas.**

"ALBUS"

"SEVERUS?" That seemed to shock the potions master into silence. Thank god.

 **Next morning, however, he had gotten up to find his hair exactly as it had been before**

"YOU'RE A META-"Nymph Tonks screeched from her place beside Remus, before the werewolf put a hand over her mouth, his ears ringing slightly. Harry snorted and turned to Hagrid, where he muttered

"Yeh a wizard 'arry"

 **Dudley's gang had been chasing him as usual when, as much to Harry's surprise as anyone else's, there he was sitting on the chimney.**

"Aye apparition before the age of 18, definitely illegal" Fudge finger gunned at Harry, happy to genuinely have something to pin again him.

"Nah mate, t'was accidental magic, you can't do shit" The finger guns abruptly stopped, instead Harry now had two middle fingers aimed at him. How immature… It didn't stop Harry from responding with his own two fingers.

 **I had a dream about a motorcycle, " said Harry, remembering suddenly. "It was flying. "Uncle Vernon nearly crashed into the car in front. He turned right around in his seat and yelled at Harry, his face like a gigantic beet with a moustache: "MOTORCYCLES DON'T FLY! "Dudley and Piers sniggered. I know they don't, " said Harry. "It was only a dream.**

"BARK BARK BARK"

"Sirius….ly... Stop that Snuffles" Que all order members looking around shiftily.

"Great save Lupin" Fred shot. George was smashing his head against the table while he contemplated life.

"Shut the fuck up, I haven't been in practise will all my Marauder skills."

"Marauder?"

"Did I stutter, bitch?"

"WE ARE NOT WORTHY, WE ARE NOT WORTHY" Fred and George were offering themselves to Lupin while he looked on confused, he looked at Harry, who was avoiding his gaze. To Hermione who was whispering 'Cliché' to Ron who was shaking his head in disappointment.

"Uhm… What the fuck?"

 **Slowly, very slowly, it raised its head until its eyes were on a level with Harry's. It winked**.

"This better not end with bestiality" Flitwick warned. Most people in the hall turned to him, puzzled. Flitwick looked at them and shrugged. "Just a warning." That didn't really help.

 **Brazil, here I come... Thanksss, amigo.**

"Harry, how come you didn't realise you could speak to snakes until second year… The evidence is there" Hermione looked at Harry, as if he was stupid.

"Yeah well, figured it was just a part of magic."

 **a blinding flash of green light and a burning pain on his forehead**

"The killing curse"

"No shit"

 **the Dursleys were his only family.**

"See, didn't really have anyone to give Harry to, did I?"

 **Very strange strangers they were, too. A tiny man in a violet top hat had bowed to him once while out shopping with Aunt Petunia and Dudley. After asking Harry furiously if he knew the man, Aunt Petunia had rushed them out of the shop without buying anything**

"Again, fucking incognito."

 **A/N. So again, kept a lot of the old shit, some new shit though. Also, I shortened most quotes on here since yk I don't own any of Harry Potter.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Aye its ya boi, skinny penis, back at it again with a new chapter. Promise this will be the last before I sleep (you can't count the next chapter as it was already written before this one)**

 **Anyway, Disclaimer: I own none of this, nor am I gonna make any profits. All rights go to respective owners.**

 **4**

 **earned Harry his longest-ever punishment. By the time he was allowed out of his cupboard again.**

"That must have been weeks, right, Potter?" Bones asked from her position on the bench. Harry nodded, unconcerned with whatever the Dursleys were gonna be punished with, they shouldn't have put him in the fucking cupboard to begin with.

 **Piers, Dennis, Malcolm, and Gordon were all big and stupid**

"Sounds a bit like Malfoy and his gang, doesn't it?" A third year yelled from the back, to the laughter of the room. Malfoy fumed in his seat, silently plotting the death of every mudblood who had crossed him.

 **"** **They stuff people's heads down the toilet the first day at Stonewall," he told Harry. "Want to come upstairs and practice?"**

 **"** **No, thanks," said Harry. "The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it — it might be sick." Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said.**

"Legends say, he still stands there to this day, silently trying to wrap his head around the insult."

"Legends also say he is fucking stupid."

"True, Lee, very true." The Dynamic duo agreed.

" **Oh," he said, "I didn't realize it had to be so wet."**

"fucking hell little me was savage!"

 **his heart twanging like a giant elastic band.**

"You should get that checked-out Harry." Luna commented. Most people looked at her in surprise, they had been unaware that she was important enough to be a named character. Harry, on the other hand, looked at her and smiled indulgently, used to her ridiculous personality.

"I'm sure I am fine Luna, it's been 5 years since it happened, haven't died yet. Surprisingly."

 **What are you doing, checking for letter bombs?**

"that's not even funny, jesus fuck he is so pathetic."

 **For a moment it looked as though she might faint. She clutched her throat and made a choking noise.**

 **"** **Vernon! Oh my goodness — Vernon!"**

"I just wanna know, how fucking extra do you have to be, to do that?"

 **"** **we think it might be nice if you moved into Dudley's second bedroom"**

 **"** We think it might be nice if you moved into an early grave."

"Slightly morbid, eh, Ginny?"

"You're not disagreeing though, Ron."

"Well yea, he's one of my best friends."

 **Harry had grabbed Uncle Vernon around the neck from behind.**

This line had Hermione, Ron and Harry catching each others eye before smirking. Ron muttered to them both

"guess you had practise for the troll, eh, harry?" causing them both to snort.

" **AAAAARRRGH!"**

 **Harry leapt into the air; he'd trodden on something big and squashy on the doormat — something alive!**

 **"** forgot about that. Bit weird looking back on it, mildly traumatising too."

"Is he fucking crazy?"

 **"** **trying to knock in a nail with the piece of fruitcake Aunt Petunia had just brought him."**

"Oh my god, he is."

 **He hummed "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" as he worked, and jumped at small noises.**

"Fucking hell this bloke is long gone."

 **Harry leapt into the air trying to catch one —**

 **"** mate are you fucking serious?" Ron asked his best bud, drawing a small embarrassed cough from Harry.

"Well, seeker training and all that."

"Sure bud, you keep telling yourself that."

 **Uncle Vernon seized Harry around the waist and threw him into the hall.**

"YEET"

 **"** **Shake 'em off… shake 'em off," he would mutter whenever he did this.**

"Nice to know he is still utterly fucking bonkers" the fourth year, who had so far been commenting on Vernon's steadily decreasing mental state, said, snorting slightly.

 **"** **Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?**

"Daddy definitely has!" That same fourth year exclaimed.

"Also, might be the only person here, but im lowkey kinkshaming."

"Jeffery it is his father, stop yourself."

 **"** **I've already got us some rations,"**

"Didn't know we were still in world war fucking one,"

 **BOOM.**

"rip Potter, you're fucked."

 **Annnnd that's a wrap on that. Night. Bit of a short one but yk too tired to care**


	4. Chapter 4

**out that I can't sleep and so here we are. Congrats, four chapters in one day, how lovely.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing, nor am I making profits off of this, all rights go to respective owners.**

 **BOOM. They knocked again. Dudley jerked awake. "Where's the cannon?" he said stupidly.**

 **There was a crash behind them and Uncle Vernon came skidding into the room. He was holding a rifle in his hands - now they knew what had been in the long, thin package he had brought with them.**

 **"Who's there?" he shouted. "I warn you - I'm armed!"**

"Harry! That's illegal!" Hermione cried in dismay, shaking her puffy hair all over her face or something. Harry stared at her, smashed his head on the table, looked around, smashed his face once more for good luck and sighed.

"Yeah, so is locking a child in a cupboard and beating them, I don't think Vernon cares much for laws…" Hermione turned a nice fiery shade of red.

"B-b-but Harry!"

"But what Hermione?"

 **"Couldn't make us a cup o' tea, could yeh? It's not been an easy journey..."**

"Hagrid" McGonagall was stuck between being angry at Hagrid, and mild amusement.

 **"Las' time I saw you, you was only a baby," said the giant. "Yeh look a lot like yet dad, but yeh've got yet mom's eyes."**

"Wow I hate to break this to you all, no really, I do. But! Did it ever occur to you that perhaps, and I'm talking about a small possibility here, that maybe I was created from the combination of my parent's genes?" Harry looked around the room, most muggleborns seemed to have a vague idea of what he was on about, whereas quite a few half-bloods and almost all of the purebloods looked lost. Ah, how wonderful it was, to have a whole community know the basics of science.

"Holy shit Harry, spittin' fire once again."

 **"Call me Hagrid," he said, "everyone does. An' like I told yeh, I'm Keeper of Keys at Hogwarts - yeh'll know all about Hogwarts, o' course.**

 **"Er - no," said Harry.**

 **"** Wow, riveting stuff there Harry" Ron shot.

"I know, should have pursued some sort of writing career"

 **Harry thought this was going a bit far. He had been to school, after all, and his marks weren't bad.**

 **"I know some things," he said. "I can, you know, do math and stuff."**

 **"** Math and stuff, fucking wonderful."

"Well it's not as if anyone here can claim to be decent at any muggle subject now, is it? Since we abandoned all common sense as soon as we found out we were magical, and forgot about the fact that muggles are actually clever."

 **"Ah, go boil yet heads, both of yeh," said** **Hagrid. "Harry - yeh a wizard."**

Harry had once again mouthed this line as it was read out, making Hagrid chuckle.

 **"A wizard, o' course," said** **Hagrid, sitting back down on the sofa, which groaned and sank even lower, "an' a thumpin' good'un, I'd say, once yeh've been trained up a bit. With a mum an' dad like yours, what else would yeh be? An' I reckon it's abou' time yeh read yer letter."**

"No Hagrid, I really want to spend even more time with my obviously bat shit insane Uncle, and equally insane Aunt. No, seriously!"

 **HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY**

 **Headmaster: ALBUS DUMBLEDORE**

 **(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)**

 **"** Sir, how the fuck did you manage to get all these titles?" Harry asked. Dumbledore peered down at him and frowned, he couldn't remember.

"Probably due to me fucking up ol' G-dog"

"what now?"

"Dark lord before our time, Harry." Hermione told him with a sigh. Harry ignored her sigh.

"Oh yea, I know about him, just… G-dog. Bit weird."

" **I'd like ter see a great Muggle like you stop him," he said.**

 **"A what?" said Harry, interested.**

 **"A Muggle," said Hagrid, "it's what we call nonmagic folk like thern. An' it's your bad luck you grew up in a family o' the biggest Muggles I ever laid eyes on."**

 **"** Slightly rude there, implying that the Dursleys are the biggest Muggles you laid your eyes on is slightly demeaning to actual muggles, unless you meant size wise, in which case you'd be correct.

"yea, let's just go with that."

 **that's why yer famous, Harry. No one ever lived after he decided ter kill 'em, no one except you, an' he'd killed some o' the best witches an' wizards of the age - the McKinnons, the Bones, the Prewetts - an' you was only a baby, an' you lived."**

 **"** Jesus Christ. This war really fucked people up" A few muggleborns looked around them in fear, I mean who wouldn't, magic was fucking deadly.

 **"I AM NOT PAYING FOR SOME CRACKPOT OLD FOOL To TEACH HIM MAGIC TRICKS!" yelled Uncle Vernon.**

 **But he had finally gone too far. Hagrid seized his umbrella and whirled it over his head, "NEVER," he thundered, "- INSULT- ALBUS- DUMBLEDORE- IN- FRONT- OF- ME!"**

 **"** FINALLY ACTION" Everyone was surprised to hear Percy Weasley interrupt the drone of Umbitch, even more so with something such as this. Percy, who now had an audience coughed awkwardly and averted his eyes to the ceiling.

"Sorry, I get into books and it bores me when nothing happens."

"Boi I forgot you were even here"

 **When he turned his back on them, Harry saw a curly pig's tail poking through a hole in his trousers.**

"That was silent Transfiguration of a human Hagrid, that's powerful magic" McGonagall looked at Hagrid and squinted her eyes, trying to see how Hagrid, a giant with a broken wand and a third year education managed to do advanced Transfiguration.

 **You can kip under that," he said. "Don' mind if it wriggles a bit, I think I still got a couple o' dormice in one o' the pockets."**

Another McGonagall sigh.

 **Well it aint better by much buuuut it was never gonna be something too hilarious. Honestly I promise the next chapter will be good, trust me, I might even add some cool hip memes.**

 **Tbf that might ruin it even more.**


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